School Already? Seriously? August 6, 2009

I don’t know if anybody else feels the way that I do, but I am in shock. It’s August already and in 2 1/2 short weeks my children will be starting a new year of school. I suppose a little odd because I’m not jumping up and down like most moms have told me they are for summer to be over. But never the less here we go again jumping into a new year of academics and all that it has to offer.

My oldest daughter is already feeling the butterflies and is running the “what if” questions by me hourly. She’s worried her friends won’t remember her, that the school work will be to hard, or that her teacher might be mean. My youngest daughter can’t seem to make the days move fast enough and is already carrying around her loaded up backpack around for practice. Then there is our son who is oblivious to the whole affair all together other than the fact that he keeps asking when he gets to ride the bus again. So how do I take all these feelings and put them to rest? Good question.

First of all I try to realize that my children are not all the same. While they may come from the same gene pool they have vastly different personalities. Emotions aren’t the same and what might be the end of the earth for one of them is nothing more then a little bump in the road to another one. Recognizing this fact and allowing the to share their feelings in their own way is vital to dealing with them. Kids don’t need the added pressure of trying to act a certain way for Mom and Dad. They just need to be themselves and have that be okay.

Get the child talking. If I can get them to tell me why they feel nervous, or excited, or anxious, we can deal with it in appropriate way. For some feeling there might not be anything to do but at least now you know how your child is feeling and why and you’ve done something that seems to be slipping away from parents these days; you’ve talked to your child.

Remember to listen. Once you get your child talking about their feelings remember to listen to what they are telling you. It is all to easy for us adults to get our child rolling about something and then move on to making our grocery list, figuring out the month’s bills, or whatever, in our heads. Then you find yourself stumbling when you realize that your child is waiting for a reply and you have no idea what to say because you weren’t listening. Instead show your child they are important to you by giving them your undivided attention and ask questions about what they are saying. You’ll find the conversations will get better if you do.

These are just a few of the methods I use around our house to try and keep the back-to-school jitters at bay. I hope you find them helpful as well in keeping the back-to-school jitters at bay.

The Power of Knowledge July 30, 2009

Welcome to the last post of July! I can hardly believe that summer is half-over. I feel as though we’ve just gotten some decent weather and should have extra time. Winter is way too long up here and summer too short.

Today I wanted to expand on our last post about empowering our children with knowledge so they can be brave enough to talk to others about what makes them special. I’m currently on a book blog tour for my children’s picture book. I never had any intention of letting the world read the story. I wrote it for Jaimie—to validate her feelings and to help her see she wasn’t the only person in the world who felt things the way she did. It was supposed to help her feel better about the world she lives in and give her the words she needed to talk about her SPD with other people. And it stemmed from one incident that taught me how important the power of knowledge is.

Around the time when Jaimie first began her therapy, we were out for our morning walk. She gestured that she wanted to go to the park, which was fine. There was a small group of children playing on the “big kid structure.” Jaimie ran around following her regular routine: few minutes on the swing, a trip down each slide twice, another swing then we leave. But these kids got in the way of her doing what she needed to in order to “organize” herself. For Jaimie, it was more than a routine…it was her daily “workout,” and it upset me watching these kids jump in her way, making fun of the way she ran or even laughing at her when she cried to have the sand taken out of her shoes. (At the time, her speech was poor so she basically gestured and made noises.)

At first I was so angry, mostly because Jaimie had no clue they were making fun of her…she was only 2 ½! But then I realized their behavior stemmed from ignorance—they had no clue what was going on with Jaimie. Then again, they never thought to ask me either. I wouldn’t have had a problem. That’s when I knew I had to find a way to help people understand. I mean, if Jaimie had to learn how to get along in her world and the people in it, I thought those same people needed to learn how to understand and accept her.

Those children didn’t know any better, I’m sure. And we’ve had adults offer some interesting tunnel-visioned advice too. That incident made me see how important it is not only to educate people about SPD, sensory issues and anxiety but also to give Jaimie the power of that knowledge so she can also give people that knowledge. Really, my book was my gift to her so she can tell the world, “HEY! I’m not weird. My name is Jaimie and I have SPD. Here…let me tell you about it…”

I may not be able to change the world so Jaimie feels better about living in it. But I can give her the power of knowledge, and the courageous independence to speak out. And that is everlasting.

See you in August!

Chynna

Independence of the Mind July 24, 2009

We recently went on vacation on the other side of our state. It was about a 6 hour trip from home. Far enough to know that you’ve gone somewhere, not so far that you feel like you’ll never get home. We went for a week and it was our first big vacation with our son.  We rented a cabin, loaded up all of our sleeping bags and other camping gear and shoved his walker and stroller in our already overflowing van. With large cups of coffee in hand and our three kids strapped in the back we headed west.

The trip was good. We had a lot of great family time and the kids played at a little pond at the campground. Our son thought it was great fun to run laps around our van in his walker. My husband and I sat back and watched our kids just being kids. It was wonderful.

I, however, also noticed some other things as well. Like the looks of curiosity. The lingering glances at our son and the glances at us. It was obvious that the walker was raising questions and that many who saw him didn’t understand why he had it. I tried to be open to questions and I smiled, waved, and said ” hi” to passers by in order to give  them an opening to ask if they wanted to. However none did, not until an inquisitive little boy asked at the playground, “Why does he have that thing?”

His mom was horrified and quickly started to tell him he shouldn’t ask something like that. I held my hand up to her and gently said it was all right. Then to the little boy I gave a simple explination, “He has a hard time walking on his own so his walker helps him keep his balance so he can get around just like you.” That was all the little boy needed to hear and he was off playing again.

It taught me something though. In that moment when the little boy asked and his mother started to react I had a choice to make. I could either answer the little boy simply and diminish the differences of my son’s physical abilities or I could make a big deal and limit my son. The choice was mine. It was a choice of independence and it was a choice that was only in the mind.

So often we as parents have the desire to shield our kids and to not have to share their story again. But by being willing to share with others when they ask we show our children that their condition/diagnosis isn’t anything that they should be ashamed of, or that needs to be hidden. It is just a part of who they are just as having blue eyes and blond hair is a part of who I am. It’s a declaration of independence from the stereotypes that follow the words “special needs” and it’s a mold that we can all break out of.

Creating A Plan for Independence July 16, 2009

Hello everyone. I hope you’re all having a great start to the summer. Here in Edmonton, our weather hasn’t exactly been “summery” yet. We’ve had a few warm days but then the temperature plunges again with several days in a row of rain. YUCK! Hopefully things will get better and we’ll all get outside to enjoy our too short summer.

As fun as the holiday months can be, they can also be very difficult—especially for our exceptional children who have difficulties with transition and changes in routine. For my Jaimie, she just starts getting used to the summertime routine when suddenly she has to get right back into the fall/school scene again. Small changes like that are so difficult for her. But her Kindergarten teachers and I came up with a great tool to help her with transition. It’s also a terrific way to foster independence and build self-esteem. Allow me to share it with you.

As you know our theme here for the month of July has been fostering independence in our exceptional children. One of the elements of this goal is teaching them tools to work through hurdles they may encounter. My Jaimie has severe anxiety on top of her other struggles so one of the main goals on her school plan this past year was teaching her how to use her words and her smarts to work through situations that cause her discomfort. As her Mama, it was hard enough watching her trying to cope with her sensory and social issues but her anxiety has been the greatest challenge to help her with. But, fortunately, we found a way.

The word “plan” works very well with Jaimie. Asking her, “What’s the plan, Jaimie?” or “What kind of plan can we come up with?” empowers her to come up with solutions to her fears or worries, or something she’s struggling with, on her own. And getting her to focus on potential solutions, rather that just the problem at hand, distracts her with more positive energy. Having Jaimie sit down, take a few deep breaths and concentrate seemed to really work.

There are a variety of methods we use so Jaimie always has options: (1) Using the “How Does Your Engine Run?” format is great. Her school OT created a half-pie chart that has Tigger, Pooh, and Eeyore on it with a little arrow she can move around to indicate where she is on the anxiety scale—Tigger being “too up,” Eeyore being “sad” and Pooh being “just right.” When Jaimie feels one way or the other, we have her tell us what is making her feel that way and what she thinks we can do to bring her back to a Pooh level. (This worked great for her because she LOVES Tigger. You can use other characters such as Cars, Disney Princesses or even the Tinkerbell fairies, depending on your child’s interests.); (2) Interactive books like “When My Worries Get Too Big,” by Kari Dunn Buron or “My Book Full of Feelings” by Amy V. Jaffe and Luci Gardner are also great in helping children communicate and take ownership of their feelings; (3) Play is excellent in helping children work through things. When you use this method, have the child choose his or her favorite activity then give them free play. All you do is throw interjections in once in awhile like, “Oh, the little dolly is playing.” or similar observations, rather than asking questions or giving direction, helps them know you’re there in case they want to talk.

These are a few things that have worked well with Jaimie. The most difficult thing for me was backing off while she learned to do things and figure things out for herself. For a child who isn’t always able to move her body the way she knows it’s supposed to, it can be a frustrating process. But she’s getting better each day and is becoming more willing to try doing things on her own. She knows if she runs into trouble, I’ll be there to help her through it.

And that’s all we can do. The most difficult part for a parent of an exceptional child is letting go and letting them try on their own. We just don’t want to see them struggle. But it’s so important to give them the opportunities to check out new ideas, inspire the courage to try it out and offer encouragement to keep going. Even the smallest things they learn how to do for themselves will make them feel so good about the fantastic people they are.

So YAY to independence! And remember to take loads of pictures for them to use as additional encouragement. We’d love to hear what methods you’ve tried in fostering independence in your child.

Have a great week!

Warmly,

Chynna

Declaring Our Childs Independence Day July 6, 2009

We just celebrated Independence Day here in the U.S. To me this is when summer truly begins because the weather is warm, the melons are in season, and kids are running through sprinklers. It’s also when I as a parent tend to kick back a little and relax on the kids routine. They get to play outside as often as possible and the schedule book is pushed aside. After all it’s summer.

Summer is also vacation season and so many declare their independence from their jobs, even if it is only for a short while. My family and I will soon be enjoying our own vacation and spending some time unplugged from the everyday hassle and reconnecting with each other. Needless to say I’m looking forward to it. This is also a big vacation for us because it will be the first one we have ever taken our son on.

You see he is three and a half and has developmental delays. The first couple years of his life we deemed it simply to risky to take him out and expose him to the stresses of a trip far from home. So weekend trips to the grandparents are all he’s known, till now. Soon we will travel to the other side of the state and go camping and I will embrace the independence that my son has now shown me that he has.

Don’t get me wrong we are still dealing with developmental delays and I’m sure that his reverse walker will be a constant companion as we spend the week camping. But I also know that he will boldly explore this new world of the outdoors as well as try tirelessly to keep up with his sisters. For so long we have been told what he can’t do, and while I realize it is important to acknowledge that there are some limits, I think it is even more important to celebrate what he CAN do!

So as our nation celebrates its independence this month I will celebrate my sons budding independence as well. I will watch him as he discovers new things and I will cheer him on as he tries to do new things. I will be ready to hold him when he gets tired and needs a rest, but I will make myself be quick to release him when he is ready to go again. I will hold his hand for encouragement and I will push a little if necessary to make sure he doesn’t give up. But most importantly I will celebrate the unique child that he is and I will resist the urge to do everything for him because it would just be easier.

Independence is a critically important thing and most of us would be lost without it. This summer I will declare an Independence day for my son and make sure that I help him to grow into a man who knows the value of it.

Everyday Dads Doing Amazing Things June 24, 2009

Hi everyone. I hope you all have been enjoying your month so far. And I do hope all you Daddies out there had a very special day this past weekend.

My husband, Steve, woke up to our girls’ beautiful treasures they’d made at school for him. Then we went swimming at our local YMCA. Steve got himself a smoker so he fixed some delicious ribs for himself and threw a steak on the BBQ for the rest of us. All in all it was a fantastic day. It got me thinking about how amazing Dads are.

I grew up without my father. He and my mother had divorced when I was only a toddler so I didn’t even remember him. I  had a wonderful grandfather who doted on me. I had an Uncle who has always been my strongest supporter and ally. But it saddened me to know that my father was out there…somewhere…and never got to enjoy what other Daddies did.

He never got to see me go to Kindergarten or see me perform in choir or piano recitals. He didn’t teach me how to ride my bike or roller skate. He never even got to know who I was, what I liked or kiss me good night. Most sad for him was that he never got to watch me grow from the toddler he had watched board the plane and said goodbye to into the woman I am today. And I hurt for him.

I see Dads doing phenomenal things for their children every day: Erik Linthorst, father of an exceptional little boy, documented his fight to find the right treatment to help his son. Randy Grossman, CEO of Harmonizing With Humanity who is the father of two beautifully exceptional little boys used his situation to reach out to others and heal through music. Football great, Doug Flutie, created a foundation for his son called The Doug Flutie Foundation that help disadvantaged families received the funding for resources (as well has to help fund research for Autism). These are all amazing everyday Dads who’ve done spectacular things not only for their children but for our children.

But you don’t have to be Erik, Randy or Doug to be praised for what you do, Dads. You are in the same category as they are just for being there; for going to those soccer or baseball games and cheering the loudest; for comforting them when they are sad or hurt; for making them laugh until their tummies are sore; for holding their hands during a painful test or treatment; and for never letting a day go by that you don’t tell them how much you love them.

My own Dad missed out on all of that but he’s still special to me because he helped to give me life and I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

Thank you to all you amazing Dads. OH! And be sure to click on the links above to see what Erik, Randy and Doug have done and continue to do.

Warmly,

Chynna

Changing Pictures June 16, 2009

People watching is a favorite passtime of mine. I can find great entertainment in watching others go on about their day. Some of my favorite people to watch are the members of my own family. I often get to watch my kids exploring, experimenting, or using their imaginations just because I take time to slow down and observe them. I especially love watching my husband play with our kids. There is nothing like the way a child responds to his or her Dad. He enjoys teaching and spending time with them and our kids love spending time with their Dad too.

When we found out we were expecting a son my husband was excited. He loves our daughters of course but he was excited to have a boy to teach “boy things” to. However, when our son was born the picture changed. Anticpation of rough housing and playing ball gave way to questions to numerous to count. We didn’t know if our son would even survive at first. Then as the days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years the picture changed even more. My son wasn’t going to be like other boys.  He wouldn’t do things the way other boys do and my husband’s expectations had to change too.

At three and a half years of age our son doesn’t walk independently. While other children his age are zooming around running after balls and toys, our son is left behind. However, my husband has embraced the wonders that our son does posess. As I watch my husband play with our son I realize that the picture before me is not the one that we had originally invisioned but it is special just the same.

Dad’s who have children with special needs are forced to look at a different picture of fatherhood than what they may have originally imagined. However, the picture that is created by a loving father and his children, no matter the abilities, is one worth framing.

Funtime Father’s Day Crafts June 10, 2009

What a busy week we’ve had so far in my house. Yesterday was my youngest daughter’s (Sophie) first birthday. We reminisced about what things were like this time last year—worrying about what would happen when she was born, wondering whether her heart would be strong enough and trying not to think about the possibility that we’d have to say goodbye to her. Of course, all turned out okay. Yes, she has a heart abnormality but it hasn’t stopped her growth or development. We keep praying and celebrate each day she’s in good health.

Today is “Kite Night” with Jaimie’s class. This is an event her teacher arranges every year where families come for a BBQ, songs and then we put together kites to try and fly. I know my crew isn’t going to last for the entire time but it will be a lot of fun. The best part is that the BBQ will be just over the field from our townhouse so if Jaimie finds it too loud or busy, we can just walk home.

All of this and it’s only Tuesday. WOW! I’m sure things will get busier as my kids grow older and, for some reason, it’s just fine with me. Nothing matters as long as they’re happy and having as much fun as they can. It truly warms my heart.

With Father’s Day fast approaching, I thought I’d share a few of the funtime projects we’ve done in the past for Daddy. As most readers know, Jaimie has always had a distant relationship with her Daddy because there’s something about him that triggers some of her sensory sensitivities. It isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be but…it’s still there. So whenever she creates something just for Daddy, it’s a wonderful thing.

The best part about these activities is that you won’t need many materials and they’re good for all skill levels.  These suggestions are right from our own “Sensory Box,” which is what I call the boxes of projects I have for Jaimie to use to calm down and/or focus. Enjoy.

(1) Hand-in-handprints. All you need for this is a few colored pieces of paper, scissors and tape or glue. Trace the hands of all of your children—and yourself too, if you’d like—then glue them inside one another….smallest hands inside next biggest and so on. If you’re really sneaky, you can get Dad to have his hand traced then put the hands inside of it. What we did was glue the hands onto a folded piece of paper—like a card—then the kids wrote their names inside. Steve loved it.

(2) Good Thoughts About Daddy. I saw this craft at Jaimie’s school and loved it. You simply get the kids to draw pictures of them doing things with Daddy or things Daddy does. When they’re done, arrange them into a book with a picture of Dad on the front (by himself or with the kids).

(3) Balloon bouquet. Blow up different colored and shaped balloons then get the kids to decorate them. If you have a child with sensory sensitivities, it may be a good idea to find pens or markers that don’t rub off. The first time we did this craft, the marker came off on Jaimie’s hands and clothes and she didn’t want to do it again. We did find some pens that didn’t come off once you let it dry for awhile. Once the balloons are decorated, put them on balloon sticks. Then you can either tie the sticks together or put them in a jar—just like flowers!

(4) Daddy Collage. Find some old magazines then get the kids to pick out pictures. Get them to pick things that remind them of Daddy or that they like doing with him…anything they like. Then simply paste all the pictures in a big collage with “Happy Father’s Day!!” written across the top. Because we have four kids, we like to use a piece of poster board to paste our pictures onto but you can use whatever you like.

(5) Daddy Day cookies.This is so much fun. We found a little cooking supply store that carries these neat shaped cookie cutters. We found ones shaped like footballs, golfballs, BBQs and other things. If you have a store like this, take the kids to pick out their favorite shape. Then get your favorite cookie recipe—preferably one with a stiffer dough, like sugar or ginger snaps—and go to work!

These are just a few fun ways to show Daddy how much you love him. If you have a child with sensory issues, like my Jaimie, then you can alter some of these activities to suit their tolerance on that day. For example, if the glue will be an issue on the hands, use Popsicle sticks or paint brushes.

Let us know of any Daddy crafts you’ve tried. We’d love to hear your suggestions!

Have a wonderful day.

Warmly,

Chynna

Exceptional Daddies June 5, 2009

Hello everyone. This month’s focus is on Daddies.

In these times when we hear more about Dads who abandon or ignore their parental responsibilities, I think it’s so important to acknowledge those who are right there. Yes, sadly, there are men who scare away from taking this important responsibility but I believe in my heart there are way more who take parenting seriously and are supporting, caring for and loving their children right alongside the Moms.

Unfortunately, society has created the image of men being emotionally unavailable and alot of them will go along with that stereotype. This is usually because thier own Dads have kept their own feelings and emotions at bay and, therefore, taught them to be the same. In these modern times, though, I’ve met so many stay-at-home Dads and Dads who pick their children up from school. It’s wonderful to see Daddies breaking down those stereotypes and playing more of a major role in child-rearing. And it’s even more important when the child is exceptional.

Steve, for example, was one of those men who wasn’t always comfortable expressing his feelings. He’d even said that his own Dad was like that with him and he learned to repress his feelings. When we had Jaimie, his loving nature blossomed but slowly since Jaimie wasn’t very receptive to the regular expressions of love–and still isn’t. He was intimidated at first, even pulling away. Wouldn’t you if your child pushed you away, yelled at you, screaming, “No! NOT you! I only want Mama!”?

But once we learned Jaimie had SPD, we learned as a family how to cope with it. And he finally found a way to connect with Jaimie after four years of feeling like an outsider with his own child.

I guess what I’m saying is this: Your role is just as important to your children, Dad. Don’t give up. Find your own ways to connect with your child and you’ll be rewarded millions of times over. God put you in your role for a reason. If He didn’t think you could handle it, you wouldn’t be here.

Here’s a link to an article I wrote for Creations Magazine, which is a Christian parenting magazine, on the important role Daddies play in the lives of their children and tips on how to make that connection.

Have a great weekend!

Warmly,

Chynna

www.lilywolfwords.ca

http://lilywolfword.blogspot.com

Exceptional Mamas, You Deserve A Break Today!! May 26, 2009

Hi everyone. I cannot tell you how happy I am to finally (hopefully!) see winter leave us until next year. We had a terrible snowstorm here last week. Actually the snow wasn’t even that lovely fluffy snow you catch on the tip of your tongue; it was the slushy sticky stuff that melts after being on the ground for a little while. And, of course, it was just cold enough to cause damage to the beautiful plants we’d just put in the ground a few days earlier. But the warm weather fills my heart with hope that summer will soon be on its way with good things to come with it.

As you know, our theme for this month has been on mothering and we at Unique are very passionate about the subject. After all, we’re all Moms of very unique and exceptional children! But I was thinking today that all moms seem to forget one very important person when doing all our motherly duties: ourselves. So I thought I’d end this month with a few suggestions on making time for yourselves and what to do with that time. We totally understand how difficult it may be to get away, or even have the heart to get away, when our little ones need us so much—but it’s important. In order to be there 100% for your exceptional child, you need to recharge your own batteries once in awhile. Think about these ideas:

(1) Pamper yourself: Get yourself some delicious bath products and have a nice, long, hot bubble bath. Or, if that’s not your thing, get a manicure, pedicure, massage, get your hair done or just go window-shopping for a little while. Pampering doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot of money; you simply need to do something nice for YOU!

(2) Find something your passionate about: We all have a God-given talent that we can express ourselves with. We should never give up that talent completely because, in times of turmoil, we can turn to it for inner peace and serenity. Whether yours is painting, writing, sculpting, dancing, sketching or singing allow yourself to practice that talent once in awhile.

(3) Stay in touch:  How long has it been since you’ve gone out with your best friends? Of course it’s wonderful having a supportive partner in life but we need to keep our dear friends close too. They may not always be able to understand exactly what we go through with our children but we still need them there. Go out for coffee, lunch, dinner or just go over for a good cry and a hug. Having that friendship—even if it’s just one person—is essential.

(4) Body, Mind, Spirit:Since I’ve had Jaimie, I’ve come to understand the significance of these three areas. We need to keep each of these areas strong and in sync in order to function properly. So (a) keep the body strong with healthy food, as much sleep as you can get and movement (lift weights, do yoga or Pilate’s or just go for a walk…just MOVE!); (b) keep the mind strong by reading, learning something new each day and turning off those nasty negative tapes (“I can’t…,” “I’ll never…,” etc.); and (c) keep your spirit strong by holding on to your faith and believing in a higher power. It’s very important to keep these four areas in balance using whatever system is best for you. When one is out of whack, the rest will be too.

            I hope this week’s post helps in some small way. Hey! I know how hard it is to think of ourselves when we have those beautiful gifts to watch over. But you can’t be that person to lean on if you aren’t strong—inside and out. So, take care of yourself and remember this above and beyond anything else: You have one of the toughest jobs in the world. And you do a fantastic job!

Chynna