By: Karin Davis
Being a mom has been the honor of my life. It hasn’t always been what I thought it would be, but it has filled my life with a love and happiness I would never have known. Having a special needs child was certainly not in the plan but it was what God had for me. Having my own mother to help me navigate this new course has been extremely precious.
The journey of raising a special needs child isn’t one I would wish anyone to take alone. There is so much to learn, so much to figure out and so many decisions to make – and in my case, so much to let go of. My daughter can often really make a scene, I mean a real scene. But, once the mood has passed, as quick as the crisis is over, she’s forgotten about it and begins to act as though it never happened. For me, it’s harder to move on. I am still angry, still embarrassed, still frustrated. My mom taught me that in order for me to keep my sanity, sometimes I have to move past it, no matter how big a scene my daughter might make. My mother has been really instrumental in helping me raise my daughter. She allows me the space I (and my husband) need to make the decisions I think are best for her, but she is there to give support and advice whenever I need it.
Once, my daughter really took me over the edge during a Sunday service. She just refused to cooperate. All I wanted her to do was go to the potty. But for a child with wetting issues, that isn’t always such a simple request. I had to have my mother come out of church to help me coax her into going to the bathroom. My daughter didn’t make it easy and we weren’t the only people in the restroom. I had just reached the end of my rope and I broke down in tears (something I don’t do often). My mom helped me to recover and to remember that in these moments there is only one thing I can do – pray.
Having a mom you can go to on a journey like this has been a lifeline for me. I am often frustrated as I struggle to figure out the balance between what my daughter just refuses to do and what she honestly can’t do. She helps me to remain steady and to remember that I have to remain patient yet firm with her. She has helped me to learn how to pray and ask God to give me the ability to let go of certain things with her – to flow with her moods and not get stuck in a place that isn’t healthy for me or her.
My mom has taught me that while it is important for me to prepare for my daughter to always have some form of her disability, it’s also OK for me to pray for and even expect a miracle. I have learned to find the silver lining in my situation and how to find joy even in my daughter’s illness. My mom has taught me how to adjust to the relationship my daughter and I will have. It may not be what I imagined, but it will be what God wants it to be. Thanks mom.